Setting the scene
Bystander support: helping a friend lesson
Real moments. A few choices. Words that work.
Ask her privately if she wants to come with you. Practice the moment in a short Surefoot lesson.
Practice lessons
You chose
Recommended
Your next step
Words you can use
Add a ride option to my planListen
Uses your browser’s built-in voices. Depending on the voice, your browser may process speech on your device or online.
Transcript
Lesson video
0:00 / 0:00
Tap an answer, drag the card left or right, or use the arrow keys.
Read this lesson as text
You are at a friend’s party. Your roommate is standing in a corner, and a person she does not seem to know has moved in close to her.
Someone is crowding your friend, and she looks uncomfortable.
How do you help?
- Ask her privately if she wants to come with you.
- Film it and post it so people see.
Recommended
Ask her privately if she wants to come with you.
Assess your safety. Ask privately what support the person wants, distract if appropriate, or ask staff for help. Direct confrontation can escalate. Do not post recordings; ask permission before sharing documentation.
Your next step
Ask her privately if she wants to come with you.
Words you can use
“Do you want to come over here with me?”
Sources: Right To Be
Questions about “Bystander support”
Why is it better to ask my friend privately instead of calling out the person crowding her?
Direct confrontation can escalate the situation and put you or your friend in greater danger. Asking her privately allows you to offer support and give her an easy way to walk away without creating an immediate argument or scene.
Source: Right To Be
How can I check on my friend without making things awkward?
You can walk up and give her a simple, friendly excuse to step away, such as asking, "Do you want to come over here with me?" This phrase lets her easily excuse herself from the conversation if she feels uncomfortable.
Source: Right To Be
What should I do if I cannot safely step in by myself?
You can ask venue staff, hosts, or other nearby people to assist you, or create a simple distraction to break up the interaction. You should always assess your personal safety before deciding how to intervene.
Source: Right To Be
Why shouldn't I record the situation and post it on social media?
You should not post recordings online because publicizing the moment violates the privacy of the person being crowded and can make the situation unsafe for them. Always get the person's explicit permission before sharing any photos or documentation of an incident.
Source: Right To Be
How can I support my friend after pulling her away from an uncomfortable situation?
You can check in with her privately to see how she is feeling and ask what support she wants from you moving forward. Respecting her choices helps her regain control after an uncomfortable experience.
Source: Right To Be
Last updated October 11, 2026.